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A blond man shouts frantically into the phone“My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.“No”, he shouts, “this is her husband!”A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.The cop says, “That’s your air freshener swinging about!”A blond man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic.His wife says “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.“What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks.“Here boy!” he replies...A blond man is in jail ... Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.“Hanging myself,” the blond replies.“It should be around your neck” says the guard.“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe”.( This one actually makes sense ... well, sort of... )An. She somehow could sense my discomfort. "So tell me dear, does it hurt sitting there hold it in?" Yes it hurts" I blurted out frustratingly. "It really really hurts. Please, why cant I just pee?" I could hear her giggling on the other side. Dame this woman. But dame me as well. I couldn't believe I was basically asking her for permission to urinate. I'm a grown woman. Just release my bladder and all is done. Why was I even arguing with this strange woman?"If it hurts so much dear, than why don't you just pee?" Because... because you fucking wont let me!"More giggles."Oh please, why can't I pee?" Because I say so. I want you to just sit there holding your bladder for me like a good girl, okay?"I whined. It was a whine of frustration and... and... I just sat there, trying to mentally and physically cope with the strain of holding my bladder. As my body began to shake, I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold myself in for much longer, even if I wanted to. But why was I even trying?"Your.
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